Tonight I took my girl on a mommy/daughter date. We ate at the historic hotel where her dad and I were married. Snuck into the closed sections to visit ballrooms and opulent bathrooms. Then we walked across the street to the Paramount Theater to see the Royal Winnipeg Ballet perform Moulin Rouge, a glorious tragedy – full of color, can-can and tango dances, romance.

When I was young, my family attended every local symphony performance. Somehow I grew up to love the arts and become a musician despite my recollection of those afternoons as prim, cramped, overly-mannered and a relief to get over with. This may be why I haven’t taken my children to many live performances of anything.

Tonight was different. Somewhere in Life I’ve learned to let go of manners and feel comfortable in my own way of sitting, sense of style, my skin. I was somehow able – even in the built-for-much-smaller-people cheap seats – to get lost in the music, story, beauty, tears. There was occasional squirming from the eight-year-old beside me, and I was ok with that. Probably because she insisted on having me read to her what would happen in the second act. Probably because of the gleam of significance in her eyes all night, her love of the beautiful old theater, and the times she sat straight up when the music mood changed and craned her neck to better see the nuances of the movements onstage. Most likely because she is my flesh and blood, a creature of beauty, a girl who loves getting swept up in her emotions – and I wish her a Lifelong ability to do so.

For my beautiful friend and mentor Margaret Keys, on her 70th birthday:

Who knew?

I had my head down, fingers at the keyboard, blinders on.

Something was missing but I was deaf to the clamor within. My spirit was yearning and because it hurt to listen – I drowned her out with work and buying things for my house and getting married and raising children and more work and attempting to climb the corporate ladder many people around me seemed so eager to top.

And then I was invited to meet you.

Coming in to your space, feeling your presence that evening, I became aware that the invitation I had received was bigger than me. Eyes aglow, I couldn’t wait to return the next morning for more.

The twelve of us were brought deeper into your private sanctuary. We encircled you and sat waiting, knowing our awakening was at hand.

Everything came into focus during those hours communing with our assembled tribe.

Glimpses of possibilities.

Women who hold each other and listen, really hear, don’t compete, judge or keep distance from.

Leaders who nurture, teach rituals and lessons learned over years of life experiences, draw the circle so that we see how ageless we all are. That we are one woman.

A life worth paying attention to. Practices worth cultivating. Relationships worthy of our authentic voices.

And I knew I was being called.

In the space of the women’s circle you created – I heard my own voice call me to Life.

Are there women who’ve made a powerful difference in your life? Wise ones who see into the real you, they do not diminish you because of your relative age or experience, but lift you up? Please share your powerful experiences of women’s circles and cherished mentors in the comments below!

Let me ask – how much pleasure are you getting from these things? How satisfying was that three-hour computer stint? What’s beneath the burger, the handbag, the coffee hit? Are you willing to stop, sit down, breathe deep and ask yourself this question: ‘What am I really yearning for?’

Maybe you’ve been distracting yourself because the answer is so painful. You might feel trapped in a situation that doesn’t allow for a career change. Your family’s blueprint for you may not include a satisfying partnership. The people in your life would be unsupportive of you trying on a healthier lifestyle. You may have been so self-critical for so long that the sound of your inner wisdom is such dissonant noise – you’re not sure you can stand it.

Do it anyway. Stop. Sit down. Breathe deeply. Ask the question.

It’s ok to wait about taking action. You are not a failure for taking your time with change and there’s no need for extreme idealism here. However, the true, soul-satisfying deep breath of Life comes from continually making space for the question to be asked. Keeping your eyes open for signs. Taking on new ways to practice feeling the way you desire to feel. Noticing the surface yearning and knowing there’s more beneath it: The Question, which is your fuel for greatness. Moving forward, one step at a time, loving and approving of yourself along the way, leads to a Life well-lived.

So tell me, what are you really yearning for?

On this longest night of the year, I feel at peace and am ready for ceremony. I will connect with loving friends and shine light into the darker corners, as they hold space for my healing. There will be candles and burning, releasing the old and welcoming the Light to bless visions for the coming year. And dancing, celebrating this body who knew to be still and listen for a time to the wisdom within her.

Will you share, how do you plan to move through this day? Will you sink into the darkness and listen? Will there be ritual and ceremony? What is coming for you in this Season of Light?

I’m bringing much more intention and focus to the start of the coming year, you are invited to join me. On January 6th I’ve planned a day for 20 Austin women to Create Your 2012 with intention, intuition, beauty, connection.  On January 9th I will host a free, one-hour live call about Practicing Expansion, creating a Healthy + Beautiful Life, one day at a time. The Vibrant Life Master Class begins January 16, for 4 weeks thru February 10.  I hope to meet you there!

Be Well,
Maddy

Right now I’m riding waves of gratitude from last week, which I spent with Caroline Muir, and Joan & Tomas Heartfield of the Divine Feminine – Awakened Masculine Institute, at Haramara Retreat in Sayulita Mexico. My sweetie and I were there with 42 other beautiful people to embark on a great journey – the first module of their 4-part training, the Body Soul module. As one friend said while we were there “it’s experiential.” As in, I would find it challenging to convey all the meaning and connection derived from our time there in words. I will instead share with you a snippet of this wave of gratitude that keeps washing over me, as an example of what it might sound and feel like to practice one’s own gratitude groove:

I am grateful for her eyes, softly searching, gently healing. I am grateful for his eyes, so dark they scare me – yet powerfully hold me. I am grateful for the sea, her passionate rocking, letting me know when I might be in danger. I am grateful for circles of fairy Goddesses, dancing in the waves, celebrating the beautiful, honorable masculine. I am grateful for hummingbirds in showers and tissue-paper butterflies and cute little mouse poops and scurrying lizards and raucous chachalacas and practicing chi gong with parakeets. I am grateful for each beautiful reflection of my mother and father in other human’s eyes, and the opportunity to love them more fully. I am grateful for the Queen, the courage she has to live so fully, explore so intimately, guide so lovingly, teach so passionately. I am grateful for the beloveds, their combined vision, living what they teach, continuously co-creating and leading with integrity. I am grateful for her strong, wise and beautiful body, her way with language, her wide-open heart, tears, and farewell embrace. I am grateful to have learned to love for the first time. I am grateful for my strong, awakening heart. I am grateful for my beloveds who guided me here. I am grateful for my spirit which said yes. I am grateful for my beloved who walks powerfully and tenderly beside me, his gorgeous brown eyes. I am so, so grateful, and I have only just begun.

Wishing you all so much Grooving & Gratitude this Thanksgiving and always,
Maddy