Saturday I had the privilege of assisting my friend Devika Kern teach ‘Sacred Sexuality and Exotic Moves.’ I first attended her class in 2008 – that day I had gout in my left foot (not very sexy, is it?) and although I’d somehow fit two babies through my hips, I for sure did not how to move them in any way I could imagine as alluring, and ‘sexy’ seemed like a distant, impossible ideal.

This weekend was a ‘full circle moment’  to assist as ten women (re)discovered their hips, sunk into sensual music, awakened to their sacred core, and prepared routines to share with their beloveds. While it’s true that they came away with wardrobe tips, showstopper moves, music recommendations, and insight about how to use eye-contact to great effect – there was ONE THING that came up repeatedly during the morning which, when tuned-into, shifted the sensual presence of every woman in the room. And that, my vibrant valentines, is so simple it’s stunning.

Slow down.

This is challenging, when there is nothing in our culture which rewards slowing down. Without personal investigation, how could we know this for certain? Slowing ourselves is the surest way to tap into our internal turn-on. And it seems the opposite of what’s showcased as sexy. I promise that you can go without black eyeliner, false eyelashes, push-up bras, platform heels, sequins – in fact those things can distract us, undermining confidence by focusing on external validation of sexiness.  (They can be enormously fun too…. once you’ve mastered your internal turn-on to the point of confident maneuvering, so keep those ideas on-hand for later moments).

Sexy is an inside job. Men completely get this by the way. But there’s only one way to prove this to you: Be your own valentine today!

Find no less than 15 minutes alone, preferably in some private space like your bathroom or boudoir (sexier than a bedroom). Music is optional – must be slow music with a barely discernible rhythm for our purposes. Eyes closed, wait to move until you absolutely cannot stand not moving. If you find yourself thinking, ‘am I moving slowly enough?’ disengage your mind for the moment, and move a thousand times more slowly. Allow the music to move you – as though the energy which surrounds you is expressing through you, not initiated by you. You become the nuances, the long phrases, the ‘je ne sais quoi’ that is so deeply personal it can only be universally described as being turned on.

There is absolutely nothing more alluring than a woman who moves in this way!  It is possible for any woman. Every woman. Single women. Married women. Straight and gay women. Mothers of infants and of teenagers. Women in sweatpants. Tiny women and buxom women.

Wishing you the slowest, most sacred, sensual, LOVE-full Valentine’s Day ever.